The
The Marks Chronicles:
Short Family Stories
JOSHUA'S DISJOINT EXPERIENCE
At a pizza restaurant we frequent,
I was demonstrating an aerodynamic principle to Jeremiah and two year old
Joshua. A small piece of paper napkin is moistened with the tongue and
adhered to the tip of the nose. When the index finger on the left hand
is yanked, an upwardly directed puff of air from the mouth separates the
napkin from the nose and sends its fluttering to the ground. The boys giggled
in delight at the sheer stupidity of such a trick. I repeated it to their
continuing enthusiastic approval. Jeremiah asked if he could try. I tore
of a napkin corner, touched it to my tongue and stuck it to his nose. He
yanked and puffed and down fluttered the napkin. All expressed their delight
with his skill. Always the imitator, three year old Joshua asked to be
next. I placed the napkin piece on his nose. His eyes crossed to get a
good view of his new appendage. With anticipation, he grabbed his index
finger and yanked. The napkin did not move. He pulled harder. Nothing.
We controlled our laughter enough to correct him before he pulled his finger
off.
SHODDILY MADE MAPS
My mother has a number of pet
peeves. Among them is an intense dislike of poor workmanship and, more
generally, inattention to detail. It was hot at the 1986 World's Fair in
Vancouver, British Columbia. There was so much to do and we weren't even
sure where we were at. A map of the fair was purchased at a nearby souvenir
stand. After unfolding, I located two nearby landmarks and and rotated
the map to be congruent. Mother looked at the map and bristled. "Isn't
that typical" she sneered. "Printing the maps upside down!"
Connie and I chuckled. Mom thought for a second and joined us.
JEREMIAH'S WATERED DOWN SALUTATION
Our children are polite, I found
out, to a fault. After his bath, four year old Jeremiah sat in the tub
in the midst of numerous toys, and watched the water level recede. A funnel
soon formed and a slurping sound came from the drain. Jeremiah smiled pleasantly,
looked toward the drain and said "Bye bye water. Have a good time
in the pipes."
GETTING BLOOD OUT OF OTHER VEGETABLES
I suppose there is nothing that
scares a three year old more than loosing his blood. When told about the
substance on which mosquitoes subsisted, Jeremiah decided that he would
never venture outside of our house for his remaining years. In an unrelated
development, he had developed an aversion to broccoli. Before bed that
night, Jeremiah and I were saying our prayers together. With eyes closed
and head bowed , he prayed in all sincerity, "God. Make mosquitoes
not like blood any more. Make them like to eat broccoli instead".
My genius boy had killed two birds with one prayer.
DECEPTIVE SNORING
One of my great joys in life
is teasing my wife. I have many habits which annoy her, including snoring.
One June day in '87, I lay snoozing in my easy chair as Connie quietly
hummed along with a tape she was playing. I awoke and decided to snore.
As is characteristic of a good sequence of faked snores, I began slow and
fairly quietly. Connie didn't even look at me. After a bit, she arose and
turned up the volume on the cassette player. When she sat down, I turned
my head towards her and increased my volume also. I opened my eyes and
starred at her, all the while enhancing the vulgarity content of my deceptive
snoring. In the middle of a grade A snort, she turned her head towards
me in disgust. Our eyes met. I smiled and continued my snort. I'm not sure
whether she thought I was funny.
A LESSON IN WEAPONS
Connie doesn't allow our children
to play with guns. We don't even let them watch violent cartoons. They
inevitably see violent television, however, at others houses. Three year
old Joshua was running about the house one day with an extended index finger
and a skywardly pointing thumb. He pointed towards his mother and went
"Pehew pehew." Connie confronted him with our rule concerning
no guns in the house. In innocence, he responded "But this isn't a
gun Mommy. It's a flame thrower".
THE WEDDING MYSTERY
Two of my Professors, Tom Krile
and Hal Sabbagh, came to our wedding. I will never forget how much that
meant to me. For reasons I do not now understand, students place their
Profs near the top of their status list. For this reason, when Debra sent
me an invitation to her wedding, I decided I would make the effort and
go. I had worked with Debra on her senior project in signal processing.
I arrived at the church about two minutes before the ceremony was about
to begin. My aim was to sit near the back, give a quick congratulations
to the bride and groom after the ceremony and split. I parked the car and
walked toward the church. Behind me I heard a voice. "Professor Marks!"
I turned around. It was Debra. I put on a big smile. "How are you
Debra? It's certainly a special day isn't it?" "Yes" she
said. "But what are you doing here?" My ego began to taildive.
I gestured towards the inside pocket of my suit coat. "I got an invitation
in the mail". "Oh" was her response. She scurried inside
the church. The hour was near, and she hadn't even put on her wedding gown.
Maybe the wedding wasn't traditional. I walked inside the church. A booth
was set up for those wanting to give presents. We had bought the happy
couple a generously priced gift certificate. Our name and address were
written on the upper left of the envelope. I hadn't bothered to place their
names on the envelope. I reasoned that they knew who they were. The tuxedoed
young lad behind the booth smiled as I handed the envelope to him. The
church's sanctuary was typical. I seated myself in a pew. Soft organ music
played. Why hadn't Debra known I had been invited to the wedding? Maybe
the groom had invited me? I have so many students, I don't remember them
all. I pulled the invitation from my suit pocket and looked at the groom's
name. Nope. It did not ring a bell. Maybe they used a Christmas card list
that our names were on. But I didn't recall receiving a card from them
on Christmas. "Professor Marks" came a voice behind me. I turned
around. It was Debra sitting in the pew behind me. "I'd like you to
meet my parents". We exchanged some sort of pleasantries. I remarked
how much I had enjoyed working with Debra etc. etc. The organ music began
to swell, so we ended our small talk and I turned back around. What was
going on here? Debra was still in her street clothes. Maybe I was early.
I inspected my invitation and my watch. Nope. Both said 2:30 sharp. It
was the right church too. In came the groom and his men. They took their
positions at the front of the church and fidgeting. Then Here comes the
bride, here comes the bride. All eyes turned as the bride began to walk
slowly down the aisle. It wasn't Debra. This girl was blonde. From the
corner of my eye, I saw Debra still sitting behind me. Maybe she was a
different Debra. I looked at the invitation again. I was almost certain
that the last name was that of the student I had taught. The Pastor spoke.
"Today we gather here to join Jennifer and William together in holy..."
Jennifer and William! There was no doubt now. I was not at the wedding
to which I had been invited. I expected to see Allen Funt soon. I inspected
my invitation again. Time...okay. Church...okay. Date...DATE! I was one
week early. Debra and Jennifer must have been friends in church. That's
why Debra was there. I sat through the ceremony in total embarrassment.
When over, I walked as briskly as I could to my car and left. No. I didn't
go to Debra's wedding the next week. Neither have I received a thank-you
card from Jennifer and William for our generous present. I do, however,
now read wedding invitations more thoroughly.
JOSHUA THE PROPHET
Prayer is not a process whereby
a list of demands are presented to the Lord. We are to serve him - not
the other way around. Thus, in prayer, I believe listening to the Lord
quietly is of very high importance. After the boys and I had prayed one
evening, I instructed them to close their eyes and maybe God would talk
to them. We all did so. Jeremiah said he had been spoken to. "God
told my that he loves me" he said somewhat surprised. I turned to
two year old Joshua. "Did God talk to you son?" "Yes"
he dead panned. "He said for you to give me candy."
AN INSIGHTFUL OBSERVATION
Our children love to sleep with
us. At five, Jeremiah still comes into our bed in the middle of the night.
I was in bed one evening when Joshua shuffled in and crawled in with me.
We cuddled for a moment and I was ready to go to sleep. My eyes closed
and Joshua began to wiggle. My eyes opened and he was starring directly
at me with a big grin. "It's time go to sleep son. Close your eyes".
He responded immediately. "But then I won't be able to see very well".
BUGGED SLUGS AND BUGS
Love. One of the most important
personality traits to be nurtured in a child. Manifestation of this capacity
and the inherent conflict with our fallen nature are fascinating to watch
in a child. Here are three illustrative Joshua stories. 1. Joshua discovered
and picked up a rather large overly slimey slug in our back yard. Express
love to a slug? A dog or a cat - maybe. I can even comprehend a turtle.
But a slug? After petting it and cooing to it in baby talk for a while,
Joshua picked some grass and tried to feed the slug. (What would you feed
a pet slug?) After playing with it for a bit, his fallen nature took over.
He slammed the slug to the dirt, ground it with his heel and said "There.
You're dead". 2. Jeremiah and Joshua were on the back porch gleefully
stepping on ants. In an act that let me know we were successful in training
our son in ethics and morality, Joshua turned to Jeremiah and said ponderingly
"Maybe they don't want to be killed". 3. Potato bugs are fun.
They roll into little protective balls when you touch them and are therefore
easy to roll or otherwise transport. One Saturday morning, I went into
the boys room to wake them. Joshua was sleeping on his stomach. I grabbed
him by the shoulder and rolled him over. Still asleep, his arm flopped
to the side and his hand opened. Inside were two dead potato bugs. The
insects, company for a little boy on a lonely night, had been loved to
death.
BELLY UP
My father, like myself, is overweight.
We both have numerous excuses to justify our gargantuan appetites. Father
can make certain abdominal sound effects which I have not yet mastered.
He can, for example, extend his stomach and strike it with his fist. Thump
thump. Not unlike the sound of a ripe watermelon. To justify the amount
he was about to eat before Thanksgiving dinner, he so extended his stomach.
"See this" he said. Thump thump. "It's empty!"
SPACE CADET
At three, Joshua trotted up to
me and stood at attention. He had on his pajamas with the booties sewn
on. On his head was a husky baseball cap with the husky dog puppeted realistically
on the front. Over the hat, he wore mouse ears. Under his left arm was
a totally nude anatomically correct baby doll. Under his right arm was
a book about Slip the Otter. He carried a miniature brief case in his right
hand. Matter of-factly he said "I'm ready to go on the space ship
now."
PAYING ATTENTION TO THE OBVIOUS
1. Toast is one of Joshua's favorites.
At breakfast, Connie asked if he would like any jelly on his toast. He
replied affirmatively but stressed "... but only on the top".
2. Motivated, I think, by one
of my cartoons, Joshua queried "Can you put your hand in your mouth
and stick your finger out of your ear from the inside?" I smiled a
knowledgeable smile. "No son, I can't." "Me either. My brain
is in the way."
A GOOD SELF IMAGE (1987)
Jeremiah has a good healthy self
image. He's not conceited, but he knows who he is. At a gathering of small
day care tots around the lunch table, unprovoked, Jeremiah jumped to his
feet and reached his right hand to the ceiling. "Whoever wants to
be like me raise your hand!" he enthusiastically projected. Three
children hands immediately went in the air.
FROM THE HEART (1987)
I had just watched a three handkerchief
movie. A teenager had killed himself and the movie was concerned with an
investigation into the cause of the suicide. Boiled down to the essence,
the reason was that the boy's parents weren't open to talking to him about
the things that bother young people. I thought about how I had been working
too much recently and, frankly, I felt a little bit guilty. Watching those
movies also gives you an appreciation for your kids. I arose from my chair
and walked into the boy's bedroom. Jeremiah was asleep. Joshua was playing
with a jack-in-the-box. I walked over to Joshua and gave him a big hug.
He hugged back. "Joshua" I said. "Is there anything you
want to talk about? Daddy wants you to know that we can talk about anything
that you want to. There's nothing you can ask me about that will make me
mad. We can talk about anything you want to. Is there something that you
want to talk about son?" "Yes" he responded solemnly. "How
do you make policeman's hats?" I plan on trying again when he's a
year older.
DIVINE INSIGHT (1988)
Did you ever wonder why there
is no description of the physical appearance of Christ in the Bible? I
think it's primarily because a description would detract from the message
of the Good News and, in this sense, is irrelevant. I was trying to explain
this to Jeremiah. The discussion was prompted by a painting of Christ on
Jeremiah's new Bible. He had seen many artist's impression of the way Jesus
looked, and queried whether the picture on the Bible was indeed the image
of the real thing. "No son", I replied in pious dignity. "
No one knows what Jesus looks like." Joshua had just entered the room.
He beamed and spouted enthusiastically "I do!". Maybe so.
BEST FRIENDS
I was driving three year old
David Eitelberg to our home to visit with Joshua and making pre-school
conversation. "Who's your best friend David?" He responded in
an immediate monotone. "Joshua. He used to hit me but doesn't anymore."
A WAVE OF DEATH
David and I were in the car approaching
a four way stop during an impressionable period of his development. A car
on my right stopped at the same time I did. As David watched, I waved the
other car to go. He did and another car pulled up to take his place. As
I began to pull into the intersection, I saw David out of the corner of
my eye enthusiastically waving the newly arrived car. I am glad to report
they didn't respond.
A LESSON ON STEWARDSHIP
I'm still not sure if it was
the pupil or the teacher. It started out when six year old Jeremiah found
three pennies on the front seat of the Pacer. "Can I keep them Dad?"
"Sure Son." He played with the pennies for a few minutes as we
drove and soon tired of them. "Can I throw them out the window to
see what kind of noise they make when they hit the road?" This was
obviously a good time for a lesson either about thrift or littering. I
chose thrift. "Son, do you know what the word `stewardship' means?"
Jeremiah knew a lecture was coming. He slumped into his seat and mumbled
"no". As enthusiastically as I could, I related to him the parable
about the servants who were given money and how their master was really
proud of the one who multiplied its value. I then related how everything,
including money, belonged to God. We should therefore take care of what
was given us. I was quite proud of my spontaneous sermonette. "Do
you understand now what good stewardship is Son?" "Yes dad, I
sure do." Pause. "But can I throw the pennies out the window
to see what kind of noise they make when they hit the road?"